Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
