we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
