just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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