I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Panties = found
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
