Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
