Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
