You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
