i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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