Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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