Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It's like God shit irony all over that family
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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