i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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