Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
