FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
