I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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