she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
