Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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