She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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