I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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