Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
