I think I died a long time ago.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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