i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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