grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
