ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
