We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
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