Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
