dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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