I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
