The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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