It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
