So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
