I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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