Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
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he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
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We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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