I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
