I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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