Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Damn victory sex feels great
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
