Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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