Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
