While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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