Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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