Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Damn victory sex feels great
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
