sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
