The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
