That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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