i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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