I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i out mim tonsoeep
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
