so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Can I color on your dick again?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
