So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
