She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
