The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
