My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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