My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
