it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
