My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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