Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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