How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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