I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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