Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
this just has baby written all over it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
