I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Screwed.edu
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
