You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
