You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Come share oat with me in your robe
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
