I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i've created a new STD.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
