Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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