hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
