it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
