Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
