in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
