omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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