I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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