I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
