I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
