I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
